Written on October 28th, 2020.

This horrible year is almost over. How should I begin?


This year, I lost my job and my 3-year relationship and was forced to move out of our shared home. I stayed in Ohio despite my friends' and family's concerns. I think part of me hoped for some reconciliation... but that was in April. It is already October. I feel lonelier by the day.


But a lot has happened. This year, I worked at two different jobs. I adopted Milo, my sweet dog. I moved into my very own place - a tiny house with a tiny yard (and no, I don't own it, I'm still renting!) ... but it's my first place without roommates. I joined boxing, I had a cookout, I learned how to crochet, and I started to drink "diet" drinks!


The months are flying by. In three days, it'll be Halloween. And next week, election day. I worry a lot about where my life is heading, but at the same time, I want to take it slow and step back. Some nights I still cry. Some nights I can't sleep.


But I think slowly, very slowly, I am learning how to stand on my own two feet. I won't deny that I feel scared sometimes... but this is the first time in months that I've written anything down. That must count for something?


I wonder what kind of person I am now? I often think about how my choices have helped shaped my life to be what it is today. Had I chosen a different path, would I have been a happier person? Or is my pain necessary for a growth that needed to happen? An extreme and belated growing pain.


I know it's going to be a long, cold, lonely winter. I'm dreading it like never before... I usually love this time of the year, when leaves are turning red and brown and the air starts nipping at your ears. But this year, I think, will be quite lonely.


In other news, my next-door neighbor, Brittany, came over last night for a drink. Her husband, Chris, walked out on her and their kids... it sounded like it was a long time coming, judging by their text conversations that she read to me in my living room. Perhaps there is something positive to be said about being single after all. I am beyond thankful, at least, that no children were involved in my case.